Remembering Well: Rituals for Celebrating Life and Mourning Death

This book by Sarah York puts an order to the chaos. Written primarily for those in caring professions (pastors and priests, health-care workers, etc.) or even for those who have expectation for the approaching death of friends or family members, the book can be rewarding to any reader, as death is one of the facts of life we will all face in a myriad of ways.

York infuses her discussions with her personal experiences as well as professional experiences. She talks about the various ways in which religion looks to care for the departed as well as those left behind, in terms of memorials, committals, and other services. She also looks at the emotional and relationship aspects, both when family and friends are close-knit as well as when there are distances and estrangements.

Through stories of people, York teaches and guides by example. She shows the specifics of how to help in the case of a suidice, the death of an infant, a death due to illness, and more. She helps to show how to carve out a space for the family and friends, the wider community, and for the presence of God in the midst of sometimes bewilderingly tragic situations.

The final chapter looks at the 'seasons of grief' -- some religions, such as Judaism, have prescribed patterns or rituals to follow for up to a year after the death; in fact, the death of a person stays with us for the rest of our lives, and the more significant the relationship, the more significant that season can be, and more long-lasting in daily life and functioning. While the specific rituals of Judaism cannot appropriately be used out of context of the community and hold the same meaning, the pattern of activity and the pastoral/psychological way in which they function can be easily adapted.

York offers three sections of resources, which make this book practical and useful. Prayers, readings, blessings, service forms, even the idea for a 'no-memorial wanted' practice serves to stimulate ideas for the creative and meaningful way in which observe and remember.

York's final story in the epilogue is very touching, an almost concrete way of showing how we carry forward those who have passed away in our own lives.

This is a stunning book, thoughtful and sensitive, useful and prayerful. My life has been enriched simply through the reading of this text; it will be even more enriched when the times come that they guide my practices and my experiences.

The fact that she is a Unitarian Universalist minister makes the materials in this book appropriate for use by a wide range of religions.

The book is especially helpful to those of us who have no formal clergy training but need to create funerals / memorials.