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Hyper-Parenting : Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard?
by Alvin Rosenfeld MD, Nicole Wise (Foreword: Robert Coles)
Product Group: Book
Publisher: St. Martin's Press (2000-02-11)
ISBN: 0312203152
EAN: 9780312203153
Dewy Decimal #: 649.1
Hardcover: 240 pages
Edition: 1st
SKU: 03259
Condition: Used: Very Good Firs
Comments: First Edition February 2000. Full number line. Book in great condition.
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Editorial Reviews
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Product Description
"HYPER-PARENTING sends an urgently needed message to today's parents who are constantly feeling pressured to achieve and who, in turn, are constantly pressuring their children to reach for more. It is a plea that parents everywhere should heed. Rosenfeld and Wise persuasively call for a return to authenticity, thoughtfulness, and wisdom in the day-to-day domain of child rearing during these difficult times. It is meaningful reading for contemporary parents.
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Amazon.com Review
If you've just sat down after a day that included taking your very intelligent child to a Kumon math tutoring session, shuttling another to soccer practice and piano lessons, supervising the homework of both to make sure it's perfect, and making a midnight trip to the grocery store to pick up the organic grapes for tomorrow's nutritionally balanced lunches, then Hyper-Parenting: Are You Hurting Your Child by Trying Too Hard? is for you. According to authors Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., and Nicole Wise, there's a lot of this kind of hyper-parenting going on out there. This parenting style can be loosely defined as one that attempts to control everything in a child's environment with the aim of achieving a perfect outcome. It's not realistic or healthy, say the authors. Chapter by chapter, examining everything from parents' reliance on "expert" opinions to the huge impact of media messages on parent behavior, Rosenfeld and Wise make a compelling argument for their premise. They encourage parents to turn the lens inward and ask themselves what messages they are sending--not with their words, but with their behavior. Hyper-Parenting is a book for parents at every stage in the parenting game. It's never too late, or too early, to try to tune out some of the noisy clamor around us and thoughtfully reflect on our values and what we really want for our children. --Virginia Smyth
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Customer Reviews
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Its Easy Yet It's Tough
Rating  (5)
Date: 2003-11-06
5 out of 7 customers found this reveiw helpful
An excellent book for parents who have the time to slow down and seriously reflect life purposes before LIFE is living us instead of vice versa.The information contained in this book is enlightening and true, but many parents just do not have the wisdom to get the truth internalised. Outside presure is strong and internal strength is weak in most parents. How to stay in mud and yet be clean? How to live in this chaotic world when the false sounds like truth and the truth looks like false and be able to make a distinction between them? I thoroughly enjoy this book. It is one of the best parenting books that I've read so far. Children should be a source of joy and not a fountain of burden. Show them the way how we live a dog's life and they will duplicate it when they grow up. Show them the way we can live happily by being connected and contented and they will rub this wisdom and practise the same when they enter adulthood. It seems so simple but so few parents can exercise this simple wisdom. Happy Parenting. God Blessed!
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overscheduled author
Rating  (3)
Date: 2002-09-04
13 out of 16 customers found this reveiw helpful
While reading the book, one may get the feeling that the author may have been over scheduled. There are a few chapters that tell us to do just the opposite of what he just said in a previous one. The book is pretty good with ideas we all know but may need to be reminded of. It's a pretty good read especially if you do not get too caught up in the areas that seem to fall into Hyper Parenting and then find out what you thought he was talking about turns out to be not what he said in the first place. I agree with another reviewer, it's confusing in a couple of spots. It's not much different from other books on similar subjects. I like the guy and have heard him speak. I blame any discrepancies within the book on the editors. It amazes me how some books can cover the same thing over and over and still get 5 stars or as much publicity as they do. In the real world, within any family who have children in various activities, there's a couple of other books that cover similar behaviors and challenges that would be of further benefit, one of those being Mommy-CEO, Revised Edition, by family/parenting expert and syndicated columnist, of Parent to Parent, Jodie Lynn, and The Successful Child, by William Sears. Both books point blank tell parents how to help kids turn out well and to still take out time for ourselves but do not give conflicting advice about doing it. I am a fan of almost all of the Sears' books and find useful information in Lynn's books and columns. My suggestion is that some point in time The Over-Scheduled Child may need a small overhaul with maybe a different editor but same author.
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Great topic, but not too well executed
Rating  (2)
Date: 2002-06-30
32 out of 38 customers found this reveiw helpful
Hyper-Parenting possesses the best of intentions, and is not lacking in insight and even, in places, eloquence. But the overall message is confusing and disjointed, and I was left unsatisfied in the end.
One big problem is that what "hyper-parenting" means precisely is never truly established. One chapter criticizes the perfectly natural tendency to cherish a child in the womb. Another chapter discusses stressed children being pressured to ???excel??? in status-laden endeavors. Are both these totally different situations "hyper-parenting?" In one spot we are rightfully reminded that "the important and meaningful connections [with our kids]defy scheduling." But in another place, we are apparently encouraged to schedule yet more time away from the kids "for the things we want to do." Why, so we can be sure to miss those important and meaningful connections? Can the reader be blamed for feeling a little confused?
The authors seem to assume that families are frazzled mostly because parents just take too much time doing things for the kids. Potential stress-builders, according to the book, include not only individualistic activities like music lessons and sports, but also family-building activities like nightly dinner at home. Unstructured family time is praised, but the book's assumption seems to be that this time will be suddenly abundant if we just quit karate. The possibility that Mom and Dad each take 50+ hours a week to work, and that this might be a big contributing factor, basically goes unaddressed. Such a one-sided view of the busyness problems suffered many families is not likely to be very helpful in the real world.
The book is plagued in several spots by poor philosophy. The authors talk sincerely of ethics, but then take an entire chapter decrying excessive "self-sacrifice" and "martyrdom". But the problems the book describes are based mostly on status seeking or an inadequate understanding of family life. The differences between these poor choices and authentic self-giving are not considered. The last chapter treats us to a relativistic essay about how we each need to figure out the fundamental questions of life based on "feelings." So objective reality has nothing to do with the fundamental questions of life? Was this shallow pop philosophy really necessary?
Fundamentally, this book doesn't succeed as well as it could because it combines too many topics under one umbrella without doing a sufficient job of defining terms, making distinctions and just thinking things through. What could have been a fine book ends up inconsistent and somewhat rambling. It needs to be re-written.
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WOW!
Rating (5)
Date: 2001-08-05
8 out of 9 customers found this reveiw helpful
I read this fantastic book while wearing many hats: parent of two, grandparent of six, teacher of 42 years, and currently an author of "Why Our Kids Aren't Learning the Basics." Dr. Rosenfeld (and associates) said exactly what I have been saying (only more succinctly) for the past fifteen years. His advice to parents is right on the money! If parents will heed what he suggests, they will find the word "boredom" eliminated from their child's dialogue. The "bored" child is the one who has never had the opportunity to plan his own day because it has already been scheduled for him! Thank you Dr. Rosenfeld and assoc. for a wonderful blueprint!
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Do it for Your Children
Rating (5)
Date: 2001-06-28
7 out of 7 customers found this reveiw helpful
This book had to be written! It needs to be read by every parent battling the loss of leisure. Setting limits defies the seeming perfect parent syndrom we have adopted. For those of us who have let the rat race control too much of our lives, it's not too late for change. Do you ever have one of those days when you just have to get away from it all, but can't because that unrelenting calendar is demanding every minute of your day? Do you have time to smell the roses, sit and enjoy your child chasing a butterfly, or find a quite romantic moment to spend alone with your spouse - talking about anything but the kids and who has to be where when? If the answer is no to any of these questions, this book is for you. If you have ever been seriously ill, as I have, you realize that it's the little things: the family time, the unscheduled time, the laughs and talks, that, above all else, create an atmospher our children can thrive in. Dr. Rosenfeld and Nicole Wise bring it all into focus, and make us realize that by "doing it all" and "being it all", we are not helping our family, we are breaking down the fabrics that holds the best part of it together. This book must be read by every parent with a busy lifestyle. It's refreshing to know that we can stop hyper-parenting and start learning again to have spontaneity, relaxation and a place we can truly feel at home.
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